Have you heard the joke that goes: "the other day someone asked me if I could play the piano. I told them I didn't know, I'd never tried"? Cute. And it neatly embodies the relationship between practice and skill.

Other things being equal, the more we do a complex task, the better we can do it. In part, that's because repetition (practice) builds skill. But there's another, perhaps more subtle, factor in play. The real world is much more complex than anything we capture in our classroom theories. Don't get me wrong! I love theories! It's just that they're not enough. Knocking about in the real world has a way of showing us things we will not, and cannot, learn in the classroom — it provides the finishing touch that enables us to flirt with competency. Over the past 30 years or so, I've had lots of opportunities to see for myself, in the real world, what tends to help, and not help, clients find their way through personal difficulties. Along the way, clients and I have managed to design practical solutions for all sorts of challenges such as:

Okay. So maybe I've got all the experience in the world. So what? How can that make any difference for you? Well, if you were going on a trip through an unfamiliar land, hiring an experienced guide to accompany you might be a worthwhile strategy. Even if that guide has not been on the exact path you will tread, chances are he or she has taken similar journeys and is familiar with the issues you are likely to encounter, and will need to take care of, if your trip is to be successful.

Each of us (this includes you, so pay attention) is simultaneously the same as everyone else, and unique. Because each of us is unique our path through life is almost certain to include some (hopefully happy!) unique surprises, unexpected elements, or plot twists. And that's where experience pays its greatest dividend: gently navigating those inevitable surprises is a skill polished by experience. To put that another way, experience shows us how to fashion realistic solutions to fit each individual's or couple's unique needs and circumstances.